X-Men - Days of Future Past: Screw you prequels!

This review contains NO spoilers, but only as far as I can tell. If reading this affects your movie watching experience negatively, its YOUR FAULT. 

Particularly strong opinions are written in caps.

Here's what I thinking when the trailers came out:

• MARVEL TIME TRAVEL. Let the multiverse shag begin.
• Old X-men and young X-men together which means: Michael Fassbender-Ian Mckellen faceoff.
• Back to Bryan Singer, so no cool Matthew Vaughn vibe.
• Peter Dinklage. Nuff said.

Here's what I was thinking while walking out after the post-credit scene (which was not important):

• Time travel concept was 'meh'
• Half the cast didn't really have to be there. The posters were all a lie.
• Bryan Singer is pretty cool too
• How can you NOT have more Peter Dinklage?!!

So, honestly, I missed the first 5 minutes. Turns out they weren't important because its a flash forward to the last part of the movie (pretty cool). The remaining 2 hours and 5 minutes were very fulfilling, with plenty of fist throwing and mouth-covered gasping. The movie certainly did not fail to impress, in the sense that i left the place feeling pretty good. But let's break it down like I usually do:

The Cast

HUGE expectations on this one, but no delivery. As always with Bryan Singer movies, the whole plot just HAS to revolve around Wolverine. While Logan hogs the limelight with a fair share to to young Charles Xavier (James McAvoy) and young Eric Lensherr (Michael Fassbender), the cast of the old X-men movies pop in now and then for a quick dialogue. Halle Berry is back as Storm, looking as awesome as ever and manages a whopping 6 or 7 minutes of screen time. Peter Dinklage was blatantly misused and left no lasting impression on me except that he sounded like Tyrion in some scenes. James McAvoy and Michael Fassbender took centre stage and shook the building with a heated argument, which was as good as the cting would get in this movie. Jennifer Lawrence plays Mystique didn't really stand out all that much in spite of her VERY pivotal role in the plot . A lot of mutants were brought back from the original trilogy just to make small appearances that meant little. A couple of random new mutants are seen with pretty cool powers, including one with the ability to generate portals (cool but obvious ripoff). I was also mildy impressed with the likeness of the actor who played Nixon .

"There are no small roles, only small actors"

The Plot

The time travel aspect of the film was actually pretty simple. My bad for going with Donnie Darko expectations i guess. The story lines up with real life events with some weak links but seemed like it was designed purely for easter eggs, cool references and "Aha, I saw what you did there" instances. A moment arrives when all seems to go wrong and you would expect a rip in the time-space fabric or some intense shit, but its all over with a shake of the head. There were some very obvious hints to the prequels although they were nicely timed and some small, unimportant things only avid comic readers would get. The plot had a disappointingly straightforward flow. There were very few moments where the story cut back to the present, but there were quite a lot of intricate details which were indicative of the timeline and how the events are placed in relation to the preceding movies in what i would call a grand X-timeline spanning from First Class to present day. For example, Wolverine travels back to a time where his skeleton is not yet fused with Adamantium and also his run in with Stryker serves as an indicator of the time and the rippling effect of the changing past.The second half is riddled with small but very cool plot twists which brought a smile to everyone's faces. For this reason the plot resonates with the cool vibe of X-men: First Class rather than the trilogy. This laid back feel soon disappears as the plot becomes more intense and tapers off at a very gripping climax that leaves you at the edge of your seat with popcorn falling out of your mouth. There's a HUGE ending to this movie that I can't mention for spoiler reasons. However if you're curious, the title of the review is a bad clue.

A small mention; The promo ads on YouTube are damn cool. 

Also, no Stan Lee cameo on this one.

I can walk through walls. Oh also I've always held the secret to time travel.

The Graafix

This was one of the few movies where the 3D glasses are actually required. The movie had JUST the right amount of awesome CGI. Bolivar Trask's sentinels have sprung right out of the comic artwork in a beautiful flurry of liquid and steel. The best graphics, and the singular best scene was the slow motion sequence with Peter Maximoff (Quicksilver) who, in his small appearance delivers a couple of typical teen movie zingers before being at the center of this super-cool scene. GG Bryan Singer. Cerebro looks as awesome as ever and the Magneto scenes as well. The final fight scene was amazing and surprisingly brutal for a Marvel movie. All this was of course accompanied by a very fitting soundtrack. I was disappointed that they didn't bring back the epic Magneto theme. 

When the credits roll, you can definitely tell that the movie has the Bryan Singer signature all over it and maybe a bit of the Matthew Vaughn First Class swag. The movie wasn't as sleek and ruthless as First Class but was significantly better written than the trilogy. Despite the not so impressive time frame and the poorly exploited cast, X-Men: Days of Future Past makes for a really good watch. Watching it on the big screen is a good idea thanks to the amazing, yet humble visual effects. The story is great and lets you pat yourself on the back every time you pick out a clever pun. I'm going to give it a 3.5 out of 5 which, in hindsight seems a little harsh but very well deserved. 

The Wolf of Wall Street: Howling in despair

Director: Martin Scorsese
Writers: Terence Winter, Jordan Belfort (book)
Cast: Leonardo DiCaprio, Jonah Hill, Margot Robbie, Rob Reiner, Matthew McConaughey

People who know me for the passionate Scorsese fan that I am would expect a shining review of this movie with nothing but praise and a perfect score. How I wish that was the case. Contrary to these expectations, I scrutinized the movie looking for genius but only ended up squinting at the chaos on screen.

The movie was a much awaited one with a very eye-catching trailer and a lot of expectations from the very successful Scorsese-DiCaprio duo. Eventually, donning the disguise of a “Dark Comedy”, Wolf of Wall Street gave the audience what they wanted: A drug driven laughter fest with a stellar cast putting on their best “Cerebral Palsy faces” for the camera as they pranced about the screen like underpaid circus clowns at a birthday party.

"Censors. Censors EVERYWHERE"

The movie was said to be based on the true story of Wall Street legend Jordan Belfort, his claim to fame and fortune in the stock market, and his subsequent brush with the law. Well, at least, that’s what the posters said. As the movie progresses, one becomes less and less convinced that these events haven’t been exaggerated and bloated to entertain the audience and possibly to embarrass the cast. In my experience of movies with a similar plot ^[1] , A middle-class protagonist makes big money through “not strictly legal” means, gets where he wants to before imploding in a flurry of drugs, women and the law. The movie was pretty much along this line but the important bits are killed by the apathetic narrative.

"So you wrote the screenplay on this thing??!"

The worst scenes:

The movie hit an absolute low when DiCaprio and Hill get into a drug-riddled tussle which drags on painfully for way too long until Hill starts choking on some food. Seeing his friend dying, DiCaprio gets inspired by the TV as it shows Popeye downing a can of spinach. So he does the same; except with a vial of cocaine down his nose. (Hang self with rope). The few others were a horribly long slow motion shot of Jonah Hill attacking DiCaprio from the back and one where Hill openly stimulates himself in the middle of a party. FULL RETARD.

Barely supported by the terrible story (even if it is a true one), the movie thrives on comedy and eye candy. I walked into the theatre thinking I’d be missing out on some good scenes because of the Censor^[2]. In the second half I was thanking the stars that they weren't there. I walked in for something along the lines of The Aviator and walked out after watching a teen comedy.

The general opinion was that Leonardo DiCaprio acted brilliantly, and I agree; but his job was far too easy since all he had to do was be angry, high and mostly retarded. Fueled by a variety of drugs and possibly an annoying itch in his pants, DiCaprio goes all out in his attempts to inspire his staff by screaming into a mic. This didn't really strike a note with me after the many inspirational speeches that have graced the Hollywood screen^[3]. I've never liked Jonah Hill and he was pissing me off through the entire movie with his ridiculous antics and below par acting. His work in Moneyball is the one thing I can give him credit for. Matthew McConaughey had a surprisingly short role in the movie, but in 7 minutes of screen time, he set up the Wall Street feel beautifully with his affable charm and chest-beating, surfer dude, coolness. The other characters were as insignificant as the extras in a bad mallu movie.

As the credits rolled, I read “Directed by Martin Scorsese”. I didn’t believe a word of it. The camera work was very ordinary and uninspiring. There were one or two scenes where I got a flicker of the Scorsese style but they were drowned in the whirling cesspool that was the plot. A few signature tracking shots through the crowd of employees caught my eye, but the one scene that put a smile on my face was that of DiCaprio sitting in the car after he crashed it, as his head began to bleed and the window wiper oscillated blankly, marking the end of his tryst with narcotics. Good stuff. The narrative in the background by DiCaprio was very reminiscent of Ray Liotta’s in GoodFellas although it was no match. So perhaps the Scorsese vibe was present after all. 

"Yeah i know it's crap, but just go with it!"

Now for the few things that kept me going. I liked the ending and the whole “sell me this pen” gimmick. The music was wonderfully apt and the narrative held the movie together. I also really love the Nachos at Cinepolis, City Centre. They've got different dips and sliced vegetables and everything! Oh and also, Margot Robbie: WOW

As the lights came on I was already thinking of how harsh I should be with the review, and this is as friendly as I could be. Wolf of Wall Street is worth a 360p download at best for two reasons: It sucks, and a big chunk of it is censored. Watch it for laughs. I wanted to compare it to other comedies and give it a fair score, but I've reconsidered. This was meant to be a pacey, financial drama with a feel good first half, amazing acting and top-notch cinematography. With these expectations in mind I cannot give it more than 1.5 out of 5. Fellow Scorsese followers: I feel your pain.

1: Refer "GoodFellas" by Martin Scorsese
2: Refer love scene from Scorsese's "The Departed" with Pink Floyd background music
3: Refer Alec Baldwin's awesome speech in "Glengarry Glen Ross"

The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug (2013)

Director: Peter Jackson 

Writers: Fran Walsh, Philippa Boyens

Cast: Ian Mckellen, Martin Freeman, Richard Armitage, Orlando Bloom

The Desolation of Smaug, Peter Jackson’s 2^nd instalment of the Hobbit series, takes us back into the ever familiar world of Middle Earth. Chronicling the journey of the dwarves, Gandalf (Ian McKellen) and Bilbo Baggins (Martin Freeman) the film portrays our protagonists making their way to the Lonely Mountain to retrieve the Arkenstone from the fiery dragon Smaug (Benedict Cumberbatch).

The Sequel:

Slightly shorter than last years’ An Unexpected Journey, this film is a lot more high-octane, foregoing much background story and picking up where the first film left off. We follow our protagonists journeying and making their way past skin-changers, giant spiders and mysterious hallucinogenic forests. 

Those familiar with the source material, may be slightly disappointed with seeming excesses and exaggerations, but they seem very forgivable as director Peter Jackson once again looks to create a spell binding universe and takes a few liberties that come with that. The dwarves march on, taking the help of Bard and eventually reach the Lonely Mountain.

Meanwhile, Gandalf is separated from the party and heads to the evil ruined city of Dol Guldur, where he encounters and is warned of rising evil powers, more of which we will see later (or earlier?). Bilbo and the dwarves eventually come face to face with the Smaug (surely an epitome of the possibilities of CGI) the fire breathing dragon.

The good stuff:

Sri: 

The strong points of the movie are the action sequences and stunning visuals.An intense encounter with elves and orcs at Mirkwood is truly one of the highlights of film, featuring some breath-taking choreography during the fight scenes. Made specifically with 3-D and iMax formats, it proves to be a visual delight, as are all of Jackson’s Middle Earth based films. All the locations are luscious and detailed, providing a vivid imagery and backdrop constantly during the course of the party’s journey. Some of the action sequences featuring Legolas (Orlando Bloom) are scintillating, and the rise of the evil Sauron in Dol Guldur is definitely a highlight.

Arora: 

The most enjoyable part of the film was undoubtedly the tense dialogue between Bilbo and Smaug within the Lonely Mountain, with Bilbo attempting to avoid getting eating by praising “his radiance”, Smaug, in a manner reminiscent of the messenger imp intercepted by Bartimaeus in Johnathan Stroud's “The Amulet of Samarkhand”, .while frantically searching for the Arkenstone in a sea of gold.

RS:

Peter Jackson brought back his characteristic wide tracking shots of the beautiful Middle Earth. Set in New Zealand, (the same place that gave us the stunning planet Pandora in Avatar) the landscape varies from breathtaking green canopies to the cavernous stone walls of Erebor. Not a single moment passes where the camera stays still as it pans, tracks and races through the scenes allowing for a beautiful perspective of each character. The flying and crashing barrels being thrown around everywhere were reminiscent of Gore Verbinski’s work in the second Pirates of the Caribbean movie. These flamboyant action sequences, while not Peter Jackson’s style, were very welcome although a few of them involved a little unrealistic CGI.

Wheee!

The not so good stuff:

Sri: 

One of the few let-downs of the film was probably the unwanted love triangle between the elves Legolas and Tauriel and the dwarf Kili. It felt out of place and rather forced, not really providing any real purpose or value to the overall narrative.

Arora: 

The most significant shortcoming is the unrivaled winner of retarded character numero uno, Tauriel the elf. Portrayed as a love-stricken, hasty and impulsive warrior, she'd probably fare better in a teenage apocalypse porno than as a daughter of Mirkwood. Of course, our beloved Legolas would disagree, seeking her approval for all the archery skill that they share.

The film was extremely conventional in its approach in comparison to Jackson's original trilogy, giving a lot of focus to action sequences, and less to dialogue and narrative, which is what one would expect from LoTR. Not to say that the adrenaline was a bad thing, but it really compromised the “epic” feel of the film. A lot of unnecessary, contemporary humour did serve to ruin the atmosphere, like the part where the dwarves enter Bard's home through the toilet.

RS: 

The one thing that really put me off even in the first movie was Kili and how he looks NOTHING like a dwarf as if it were an attempt to make a good looking Dwarf-Elf romance between him and Tauriel.

But dad! He's not like the other dwarves!

The cast:

Sri: 

While some people would concede that a beastly, intimidating dragon shouldn’t possess the ability to talk, Benedict Cumberbatch as Smaug manages to match up to the evil looks and snarls as he once again showcases his abilities as a superlative actor.

Arora: 

Martin Freeman has done a spectacular job in his portrayal of Bilbo Baggins. Although not the prime focus of the film, the ring's influence on him has not been entirely left out. Bilbo can be seen gradually accepting the ring as a means to power, and a solution to tricky situations, using it against spiders in the Mirkwood forest (where he begins to understand their speech which, according to LoTR lore, is a direct effect of using the ring), when escaping from the elves, and when confronting Smaug.

            

RS:  

Thorin was portrayed well by Richard Armitage and exudes the majestic Mountain king vibe. Legolas was again very well portrayed by Orlando Bloom and is probably the only non-pussy character he will ever play. The earlier Dwarf-hating character was very different compared to the Legolas-Gimli Bro-mance in the trilogy. 

Still a better role than Mycroft in Sherlock Holmes 2

The movie makes for a very entertaining roller coaster ride although it seems like it is aimed at a younger audience, compared to the much more mature LoTR trilogy. I think a good 3.5 on 5 does the sequel justice while we eagerly await the final part to come next christmas. 

Logic waalo, Tumhari Aisi ki Taisi

Title - Dhoom: 3
Direction and Screenplay - Vijay Krishna Acharya
Producer and Story - Aditya Chopra
Starring - Abhishek Bachchan ("Dhoom is my film and I am the hero"), Aamir Khan, Katrina Kaif, Uday Chopra, Katrina Kaif, Jackie Shroff, Siddharth Nigam
Music - Pritam
Released on - 20 December 2013

Note: Read this review only if you have contributed to the box office record smashing run that Dhoom 3 is on. Or if you do not care about the story.

The film begins in the year 1990 with Iqbal Khan (Jackie Shroff) welcoming you and the bankers whose loan he is defaulting on, to a special show of the Great Indian Circus - home to a never-before-seen magic trick. This magic trick has in fact had an entire movie dedicated to it previously.

An apathetic Mr. Andersen who helms the Western Bank of Chicago rejects Khan's plea to let his show continue and decides to shut the theatre down due to its insolvency. Crestfallen, Khan shoots himself leaving his son Sahir (debutant kiddo Siddharth Nigam) to fend for himself.

Years later, Sahir (now Aamir Khan) has made it his life's driving purpose to ruin the bank that drove his father to suicide by simply doing their job. Like several of his brothers in the hip-hop industry, Sahir makes money rain from the sky and runs down the bank in ultra slow motion with a strange horny expression on his face. He then proceeds to ride his impeccably engineered and well advertised BMW bike, and evades the cops with ease. Having reached the limits of their ability, the Chicago police authorities decide to ring in Supercop Jay (Abhishek Bachchan) and Sidekick Ali (Uday Chopra).

I'm on fire even if my acting career isn't

The first tinge of real emotion that the movie manages to evoke is courtesy Ali's typically comical entry. The feeling of joy however is evanescent as the movie wastes precious time on the improbable task of trying to make Abhishek Bachchan look cool. Ali's monologue to buy himself some time reeks of dialogues that were probably meant to elicit some applause from the director's contorted perception of the Aam Aadmi. When Jai does finally arrive, he does so in all his overacting splendour and performs comical, gravity defying stunts in full Rohit Shetty ishtyle. These scenes illustrate why some things are best left to Salman Khan, although I must admit that Bachchan Jr looks more at home in an auto rickshaw than on a superbike.

The duo are ushered into Chicago by Police Officer Victoria (Tabrett Bethell) who is completely inconsequential to the plot barring her leading role in Ali's erotic fantasies. Soon after, Aaliya (Katrina Kaif) treats us to a titillating 5 minutes of seductive striptease interspersed with some acrobatic dance moves that helps her land the role of Asian Goddess who can sing and dance like water and fire hot trapeze artist in Sahir's circus.

I'm sexy and I know it

The whole sequence involving Supercop Jai taunting Sahir into robbing again and Sahir posing as an informant who would help Jai find his 'Chupchap Charlie' makes both characters seem incredibly naive. Anyway, Sahir robs the bank successfully and gets shot in the ensuing pursuit but manages to escape with assistance from his BMW superbike/speedboat. The only reason I was able to suspend my disbelief through this scene was due to the fact that I had seen Dubai's wonderbus earlier in the day. The same night, Sahir opens The Great Indian Circus - now revamped and larger than ever before as his highlighted by this song that they spent Rs. 5 crore on.

Immediately after the show, Supercop Jai confronts Sahir backstage in an attempt to expose him as the thief but the lack of any sign of a bullet injury on Sahir lets him off the hook much to the chagrin of Jai who is once again in his overacting prime. It is here that the major plot twist of the film is revealed. The person shot was actually Sahir's identical twin Samar whose existence is a secret hidden from the rest of the world. Samar assists Sahir in his stage tricks and bank robberies, loves Aaliya and suffers from the same disease that plagues SRK in My Name is Khan and Hrithik Roshan in Koi Mil Gaya.

The second half of the film, although initially promising fails to deliver and epitomizes the feeling of anti-climax. Simply put, too much of the film is a buildup to nothing. Another song is superfluously introduced to drive home the point that Samar is besotted by Aaliya. Although the chemistry between Samar and Aaliya is anything but sizzling, the two do share a scene that qualifies as almost cute and ends in Aamir entering the elite list of men who get to kiss Katrina Kaif's luscious lips on screen.

The technical work is decent and apart from a few aerial shots of Chicago that seem grainy, the CGI ranks fair compared to foreign films (especially The Amazing SpiderMan 2). Nothing of note can be said about the acting. The ending leaves you feeling shortchanged, especially for an Aamir Khan movie. I was certainly disappointed by the platitudinous script and would rank it several notches below its relatively much classier and more exciting predecessor, especially considering the tremendous hype that the movie had generated prior to its release.

But even as I write this, Dhoom 3 continues to smash box office records and is clearly on its way to becoming the all time leading grosser. Moreover, the response it has received from critics and audiences is mostly positive. So this may still be a film that you would want to watch for yourself and decide.

The title song sung by Adita Sen Sharma (and its Arabic version by Lebanese singer Naya who has a striking resemblance to twerker extraordinaire Miley Cyrus) is as hummable as the previous ones and offers some much needed respite as Katrina Kaif gyrates to it at the end of the film.

Overall verdict on the film: Watch it, curse it, forget it.